So this week, I'm in charge of my own food experiment. My Dad has decided that he doesn't feel like it. This may sound harsh to some of you, but in all honesty, it's not. It's something that I've dealt with for the past 5 years. After our short trip to Miami, my Dad's brain just decided that it was tired, so it was done. That's what happens, in some cases, when you have a brain injury. Hurting your brain isn't like hurting your arm, if you break your arm, you can fix it. If you break your brain, there's no turning back.
Think back to your morning. You probably got up, showered, had breakfast, made your way out of your dorms, or drove to class. Thoughts probably ran through your mind of what you have to do today, what happened last night, or about that asshole that just cut you off. Now, imagine that once you had those thoughts, you could never recall them. Imagine reading a book, then picking it up later that day, and not recognizing a thing. This is what my dad deals with every single day of his life, and will deal with this until the day he passes.
My dad has a cognitive brain injury, and short term memory loss. It takes months of repetitive practice to make something "old memory." So, when his brain "tires out," or things get too hard, he quits. Our vacation was too much for him to handle, so he quit. That means my mother and I have to pick up what he lacks and move on. This happens once or month or so. I'm grateful though because he is still here and I can still see him, but sometimes it's so hard it's unreal. And what kills me even more is that I wish I could help him. Just give him a pill to fix his brain, or some surgery, but there is absolutely nothing we can do. And as he grows older his brain will deteriorate, causing his moods to change, completely changing the man I know as my father.
When I started this whole shenanigans I expected to eat some gross food and try to remain composed, but this is completely different. It has made me grateful for the simple things I can do in my life. Never take life for granted, ever. Though I've grown up with these issues for the past five years, no one will ever "get used" to this situation. My brother and I try to work with him as best we can. He can function completely fine by himself. Driving, cooking, whittling, he can do it, but when he's tired, he's done. Now for those of you married, or in relationships, imagine the man, or woman, that you're with changing in an instant. They're not longer the person that you fell in love with, welcome to my mother's life.
My mother has taken this all in stride and I couldn't be more proud of her. She's one of the strongest people that I know. This experiment has opened up my eyes to the things that I didn't want to realize, the things that I didn't want to think about. It was just easier to cover it all. But, you guys wanted my dad in this blog, and here he is.
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6 comments:
Your dad's situation sounds incredibly tough, but he sounds lucky to have such a great family. I hope he's enjoying all the cooking and eating with you.
This blog gave me the chills! Thanks so much for being brave, and honest with us. I enjoyed reading about your dad. I can't imagine what it must be like but your happy to have him in your life still. I hope your food experiment continues to go well.
Thanks, :)
Jess, this is your best thing I've read since "No Jack" (is that the correct title of your poem?). I like that you can take your small experiences with two seemingly unrelated subjects (for face value) - food and your Dad's condition - and find the the beauty to compare them. Call me!
Yeahh, that was the poem! That's great that you remember that. But thanks! Will do, dear.
I wish I had enough parents to know what you're going through, but for some reason my mom's brain is still incredibly sharp. She does read a lot of books though, so that might be helping. I don't want to imagine her losing her mind, but in another way, I know that she's still her, despite the lack of memories. It's a comfort.
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